All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
