i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
