everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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