i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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