I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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