I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
