he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
