he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
