just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
