I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I deserve this hangover.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
