It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
