Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
