So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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