dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
