Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
