im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
