I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
