New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
