My friends, they love my intelligence
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
