he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
