road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
