I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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