Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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