I haven't been this sober since birth.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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