he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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