Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
