My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
