Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
