32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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