Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
