Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
