they need to just BURY HIM!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
