You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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