I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize