she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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