Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
