Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
