hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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