Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
