What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
