my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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