Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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