the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
