I just made out with a guy for $7.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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