Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
