Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
