As long as you're not dating white guys again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
