Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do herpes really smell.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
