My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
