Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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