are you so shy because you have an std?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
