do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
