I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize