Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
