If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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