community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
