4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You're so nebulous sometimes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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