she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
