Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
