You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
