its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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