Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
