OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
