i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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