Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
