Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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